Forsaken
September 15th is the most significant date in my life. I captured its three-fold impact in last year's post, so this time I'm going to explore another aspect of this important day.
The months after our engagement, leading up to the wedding, I lost a substantial amount of who I thought were my friends. This was a good thing in that their departure eliminated a lot of clutter to reveal who my real friends were. I learned very quickly that my so-called circle of friends were lightweight associates, masquerading as friends, who mired my time and resources with hidden agendas and empty judgments. Their absence brought clarity to my life and my friendships with those who remained, grew stronger.
My parents sent the RSVP back indicating that they were not coming to the wedding. I'm their only child. I remember my mother once telling me, "even if you marry a white woman, I'll be there 'cause you're my baby." That's big coming from a woman who grew up in Birmingham, AL in the 1960s. She and my dad gave me a "Huxtable childhood" and I guess my decision to marry my wife wasn't on the "Theo" plan, but I digress. My parents have always been there for me and I cannot measure the amount of sacrifices they made to ensure I had a good childhood and college education -- which is why I (still) don't understand how they could voluntarily not be there for me on this day. They've given their reasons over the years, but it's not enough. Yet I still have to forgive and keep it moving.
The wedding was fast approaching and I was still going on countless interviews, but not landing anything real. The term "overqualified" was slung across my resume more times than I care to remember. We decided to keep things simple and finance the wedding ourselves. She found a dress and coordinated the decorations. I designed the program and came up with a recipe for the reception. I composed and recorded the music for my wife's processional. Over the summer, I met her cousin whose also a pastor in Dallas -- he agreed to preside over the wedding. I cooked the food. She baked our cakes. Working together from the jump.
My parents didn't make it but my maternal grandmother, aunt and cousin drove down to support us. My best man, Jay Q, has been my best friend since I was nine years old and he made the trip from Georgia to be there. When I think of the friends I lost during my transition into marriage, I think of the irony of Joann and Will. I met them online long before Twitter meetups and Facebook groups. I'll never forget Joann sent me a Christmas card in 2003 when I was spending the holidays alone. Will and I had mutual online friends and eventually worked together on group blogs over the years. These two are true New Yorkers in that they go hard for their friends. I don't have the words to express how thankful I am that they came down from NYC to meet me in person for the first time on the happiest day of my life. Their presence will always mean the world to me.
Speaking of online, I was live tweeting from the wedding all the way up to when I had to go to the altar. Not even a wedding could stop me from being a geek 
One thing that stands out about that day is that I never got cold feet. I was excited to get married. It was invigorating to know that I was about to have this beautiful woman for the rest of my life. There was never a moment where I was nervous, hesitant or second guessing myself. Jay Q offered to drive if I wanted to bail, but I had no intentions of moving until she became my wife.
We said our vows on a cool, autumn evening in front of 30+ guests. I was a bit angry that my childhood friend, Herman Polk Jr., wasn't there. He went to be with the Lord one year too soon. I felt a tinge of sadness as I thought back to the day I said goodbye to my newborn son. It all blended with the new memory of marrying the love of my life and I'm glad we choose September 15th as our wedding day. This date will forever capture the complexities of life and summarize the journey of my soul.
Do you know what today is?
Garrett Rogers says:
Happy anniversary man and I pray you and your wife celebrate many more years of wedded bliss.
Norvell says:
Happy anniversary and a blessed continued marriage!!!!!!!