The Greatest Gift of All
disappointment |ˌdisəˈpointmənt|
noun
1. the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations
2. a person, event, or thing that causes such a feeling (example: I was a big disappointment to her)
Despite the gifts and talents, Huxtable-esque upbringing, spiritual foundation, good education, professional experience and personal drive -- I am still a disappointment. Having the aforementioned attributes never made me immune to the current end result and somewhere along the way, I fooled myself into believing they would at least give me an advantage. Silly me.
The road to becoming a disappointment is not paved with predisposed genetic traits or socioeconomic climbs. Instead, it is a cobblestone highway built upon bad decisions, actions (or inactions), words and ideals cemented with the dichotomy of overinflated ego and irreparable self-esteem. This is what makes the journey so wobbly that it's hard to stand firm and enjoy the sunshine or avoid the rain.
Pathways often lead to crossroads and those paved forks of destiny can change the course of your life. No matter how long disappointment has loomed over my character like a heavy cloud, each breath is a chance to take better steps towards a smoother road where I can pause on a solid foundation and bask in the sun or taste the raindrops.
The caveat is I have no idea of the distance between here and there. Do I have what it takes to continue towards a better path? Or am I stuck on a cyclical journey that erodes my hopes with every misguided step?
Until next time.
