Cash Me Out
I've always believed it was my purpose to encourage others through my gifts. We all could use a word of positive affirmation or a helping hand; especially one that is devoid of ulterior motives. I've always reached out to people from that space -- where the reciprocity of helping someone rarely comes from the person you've helped. That's the cool phenomenon of karma.
There are some who view that kindness as weakness, blissful ignorance or even a sense of entitlement and I've experienced more than my share of spirits who have felt this way. As a result, I've allowed their selfishness and my ego to collide and erode the enthusiasm that fuels my purpose.
It feels hypocritical to send a message of exhortation when I don't feel inspired. The downside to being an optimistic person is that you know all the "right things" to say to spark a positive change, so it's like having an immunity to motivation tactics. That's where I am. . . I don't feel like it. Period.
The ability to truly love yourself (or "do you") should not be done at the expense of someone else. The skill of self-validation should not be highlighted through denouncing the sincerity of others. And the essence of the "hook up" should never be a one-way street. I've tried to embrace those mantras as pillars to hold my purpose in place, but now I just don't see it. My ego is telling me to cash in the chips and "do me" at all costs because I'm in a proverbial Rome -- full of narcissistic, nonchalant inhabitants -- and when in Rome. . .
But I know better.
It's a feeling, not an absolute. I understand that, even in this discouraged state, that my true character is rooted in what I DO despite how I FEEL. I'd be a fool to let external elements breach my internal integrity; especially in this stage of the game. Maybe my current thoughts are simply reminders that I am human (I tend to forget that at least twice a week). My purpose never changes, even when my circumstances do. Instead of "sucking it up," I choose to process and compartmentalize these thoughts in order to press through and continue being a light. . . even if I'm the only one who sees the path it illuminates.
Until next time.
