What’s Your Sign?
During my visit to Facebook today, a friend posted the following pic of a billboard ad:
My initial reaction was:
01. The billboard is doing its job (i.e., creating awareness, causing a stir, etc.)
02. It capitalizes on the polarized perception of commitment between men & women.
03. The model is NOT cute.
I also responded with a lil' Photoshop-inspired retort:
The discussion that followed among her FB friends focused on the negative connotations of a woman expressing her angst to be engaged/married. Celebrating a very common ultimatum given in relationships - particularly long term - is a surefire way to disturb the sexy. Commitment should be entered into MUTUALLY without coercion or overly assertive tactics.
When I was single, the vision of my (now) wife waving her bare ring finger in my grill would not have been an incentive to have this finger wielding chick in my world for the rest of my life. I've had the ultimatum of marriage slammed in my face like a cream pie before. I simply wiped my face and kept it moving. That power move is the flashing sign that this person is not for me.
On the flipside, if a guy is posted up at your house, drinking your Kool-Aid, eating your leftovers, screwing you senseless, opening your door with his own set of keys, etc. year after year after year. . .that sign flashes just as bright.
It's not that desiring marriage = being pushy OR enjoying singlehood for an indefinite amount of time = whorific life. It's about congruency in your desire. The first billboard seems to reflect a very common theme in how women express their frustration in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere.
Would you really want a man, who had to be subjected to that level of persuasion in order to respond, to commit to you?
Would you want to be a woman, who had resort to such a brash form of communication, in order for your partner to be on the same page?
I enjoyed the attention of very assertive women who expressed their desires openly. It is an incredible ego stroke to be spoiled, and therefore, not have to work for the affection of the opposite sex. . .when I was much younger, dumber and oblivious to what this man/woman thing is all about. At the end of the day, it was the women who challenged me, called me on my BS and expected me to show just as much (if not more) initiative - that made the biggest impression on my life.
Subsequently, my interactions with them helped me to better understand what I wanted and needed from a partner; resulting in my marrying someone I pursued and never felt pressured to do anything I didn't want to do haphazardly. I was raised to believe that a man "findeth a wife" not the other way around.
If you're tired of waiting, then maybe you're not with the right person.
If you're tired of demands, then maybe you're not with the right person.
I don't feel the motivation is wrong - it could possibly be the alignment (of your desires and theirs).
As always, take this with a dash of Lawry's.
Until next time. . .
Princess Dominique says:
I agree, if you have to convince someone to marry you and they don't come to that conclusion on their own, they you are not with the right person. Marriage is work, not just a neverending honeymoon. If I have to nudge you and give you an ultimatum to commit then I'll have to wrestle with you to compromise and make efforts to care about our marriage and put your heart in it as well and in the the end it's just not worth it. Marriages don't run on cruise control, 2 people come together to make an effort to keep it together. You also don't have to convince a man or woman that you are Mr or Mrs right, they should already know that after spending some time with you and if not, cut your loses. I think your Photoshop rendition was just as effective as the initial ad if not moreso. I'd love to share it on the relationship website and see what they think there as well. People need to be drawn to each other not feel like they are being forced together because of time or not having any other options.
Princess Dominique says:
"then"
Eve says:
Very well written...I too believe there must be alignment. One person may come to the "marriage" place before the other, and that's ok. It should be discussed, not presented as an ultimatum.