I Don’t Need You
I need clothing, food and shelter. I don't need Sean John denim, Cheesecake Factory entrees or a condo in the Mosaic. I need water that falls somewhere between 3rd world, polluted river nectar and double-filtered, reverse osmosis, mountain caressed liter bottles. It's a thin line between love and hate and I believe there's a thinner line between needs and wants.
My misstep pivoted on the illusion that I would be a necessity in someone's life. I thought the goal was to be needed, so I spent years filling my head and heart with a myriad of competencies, knowledge and good intentions. My personality has been tempered with consideration and politeness since I was child. I dreamed of the day I would release these gifts into the world and become valuable. In return, I expected someone to be hard at work cultivating the same heart so that I would need them as well.
What a classic script for failure.
The reality is that no one needs me. I've been reminded of this fact more times that I care to admit. The naked truth bares itself within my existence through various forms of communication. From the time I log on to the internet, driving on the road, reading twitter feeds, CNN headlines, etc. I cannot escape the involuntarily harsh deduction that I am not needed.
It doesn't have to be harsh.
Although I am not needed, it is nice to be wanted. The "I can't live without you" doctrine is an unhealthy load of crap. Being desired is fueled by choice rather than obligation. I misunderstood being "wanted" for so long; thinking it made my very being an option in the universe, therefore less important. Not so. By having the desire to be desirable, I rid myself of the unnecessary pressure to be the sun in which someone deems critical to orbit. Through embracing the "want" instead of the "need," I can refrain from placing unrealistic expectations on the finite heart of another.
I don't need you...hearing that phrase is okay. It's not a bad thing and I'm thankful I no longer feel as though it is. . .
Until next time...
Shannon Renee says:
I learned that lesson some time ago, actually from Robert Redford in "Out of Africa." Meryl Streep says she needs him and he says, no you don't, if I die tomorrow you will keep on living. Besides being one my all-time favorite movies, there were so many lessons in that story for me, not the least of which being that I don't need anyone. I, Shannon, need my God, food, clothing, shelter, air and water, everything and everyone else is a want.
This is a hard concept for most people, especially brothas to understand. As a successful single woman, I've heard time and again from men, "you have this and than, you don't need me" or I've been asked, "what do you need me for?' The answer is, I don't need you, I want you. I want you in my life; I want you in my heart; and I want you in my soul.