Black
Death forces me to face the reality of those who meant so much and left here too soon.
My man, Herman, embraced being a "big guy" way before it became fashionable. It didn't stop him from being the coolest preacher's kid in town. His street smarts didn't stop him from getting his degree from a prestigious university and giving that knowledge back to the streets as a teacher. He married the woman of his dreams and had the son he always wanted. While I was jetsetting around the country, trying to get as far away from my past as possible, he would laugh at my feeble attempt to run from my own destiny. I would tease about his domesticated lifestyle while envying it on the inside. In the midst of one of my many excursions, I got word that he died of a heart attack at 33. My life paused as I journeyed home to bury my friend. I remember the sheen of his all-black casket nearly blinded me, but I dare not let go as we carried his body to the hurse and gravesite.
It was like reliving that moment as I watched the all-black casket of Biggie Smalls being carried away onscreen as I sat in the theatre watching Notorious. I remember that day vividly as well. My first child was only 4 days old and I was going home for spring break. I was working in a record store and eagerly anticipating the release of "Life After Death." My son's mother knew I was a HUGE B.I.G. fan and could tell by my jovial demeanor, that I hadn't heard the news yet. She told me as I held my newborn in my arms. I didn't know Big personally but he represented so much to me and told such vibrant stories in his lyrics. He repped all the husky boys on the block on the rise. Now he was gunned down.
I remembered that moment in the theatre, too.
Aside from solemn thoughts, the movie was on point...especially if you were a fan of Bad Boy in its hey day. That label produced the soundtrack of my high school exit and college entrance, miscellaneous loves and countless road trips with Herman in his Pontiac 5000. *sigh* So many memories. . .
I get mad often for their leaving so early. I'm left here to create future memories on my own. I don't deal with death well, but I'm starting to get used to the fact that it's a reality whether I deal with it or not.
Shannon Renee says:
It is my belief that none of us is taken before our time and only when we have fulfilled the reason for our birth in the first place. Trite as it may be, death is a part of life; it is the absolute one thing all living creatures have in common. Coming from a large family with aunts, uncles & cousins who married into other large families, I'm all to familiar with death. It is cold, callous, unfeeling and unremorseful. It can come quickly, wrapped in pain or slow, quiet and without notice.
While I'll never get used to it, nor do I want to, I have come to accept it, realizing that none of us will live forever. Be at peace my brother, they are.