Black

Death forces me to face the reality of those who meant so much and left here too soon.

My man, Herman, embraced being a “big guy” way before it became fashionable. It didn’t stop him from being the coolest preacher’s kid in town. His street smarts didn’t stop him from getting his degree from a prestigious university and giving that knowledge back to the streets as a teacher. He married the woman of his dreams and had the son he always wanted. While I was jetsetting around the country, trying to get as far away from my past as possible, he would laugh at my feeble attempt to run from my own destiny. I would tease about his domesticated lifestyle while envying it on the inside. In the midst of one of my many excursions, I got word that he died of a heart attack at 33. My life paused as I journeyed home to bury my friend. I remember the sheen of his all-black casket nearly blinded me, but I dare not let go as we carried his body to the hurse and gravesite.

It was like reliving that moment as I watched the all-black casket of Biggie Smalls being carried away onscreen as I sat in the theatre watching Notorious. I remember that day vividly as well. My first child was only 4 days old and I was going home for spring break. I was working in a record store and eagerly anticipating the release of “Life After Death.” My son’s mother knew I was a HUGE B.I.G. fan and could tell by my jovial demeanor, that I hadn’t heard the news yet. She told me as I held my newborn in my arms. I didn’t know Big personally but he represented so much to me and told such vibrant stories in his lyrics. He repped all the husky boys on the block on the rise. Now he was gunned down.

I remembered that moment in the theatre, too.

Aside from solemn thoughts, the movie was on point…especially if you were a fan of Bad Boy in its hey day. That label produced the soundtrack of my high school exit and college entrance, miscellaneous loves and countless road trips with Herman in his Pontiac 5000. *sigh* So many memories. . .

I get mad often for their leaving so early. I’m left here to create future memories on my own. I don’t deal with death well, but I’m starting to get used to the fact that it’s a reality whether I deal with it or not.

This entry was written by Fave, posted on 19 January 09 at 4:53 pm, filed under Life. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.